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velvetina_belleMy room is absolutely sacred to me. I mean I cannot stand anyone being inside my room without me there to make sure that nothing is changed. I just seem to have this weird obsession with everything being perfect. Not necessarily tidy, I'll be the first to admit I am not likely to win any neat awards, but I have a certain layout to my room that makes me feel good. I have candles placed in various nooks all around my room, and books (my true love) that mean a lot to me or comfort me are in places that are easy for me to grab when I need them. Being the eccentric writer that I am (Not that anybody ever see's much of what I've written) I have various pens spread throughout my room and peices of paper where I've jotted down thoughts/ideas that I want to develop further. And of course there are my beloved tarot decks. I have four decks that I am especially connected with, dragon, witches, egyptian and angels. Very rarely do I actually read tarot for other people, its something that I keep very personal to myself, but often I will just sit and suffle one of those decks.
So imagine my horror today when I returned home to find my room completly changed. I mean totally changed, not just minor details (which admittedly would throw me slightly out of wack) but big things.
As soon as I stood outside my bedroom door I sensed something wrong, before even going into the room I went downstairs and yelled at my mother what the hell she thought she was doing going into my room.
"I just wanted to make your bed..." Totally disregarding that I am the one that always makes my bed for the precise reason I cannot stand to have someone in my room, so then I very calmly asked why she had felt it nessesary to move anything else about.
"Well I just bent down to do the corners and I saw a pile of papers, all torn around the edges and it looked so untidy just sitting there I had to move it and once I got started I just couldn't seem to stop." *Groan* Seriously the woman has lived with me for very nearly eighteen years and she can't remember that I am very picky about this sort of thing.
Resignedly I trudged back up the stairs to see the extent of the damage and my mother (totally clueless) followed me, again why couldn't she pick up that I was pissed and leave me alone. Our conversation vaugely followed these lines.
"Mother, why the hell are all of my candles grouped together in the centre of the table?" " Well they just look so neat that way, and imagine how pretty it will look when you have them all burning together!"
"Right, well then where on earth have all of my dragon statues gone?" "Oh they were taking up so much room I put them with the family statues downstairs."
"And my books? You moved my books!!!!" "Well yes, I put them on the bookcase downstairs, we'll all be able to read them that way." I can understand that with some of them but why my complete works of Shakespeare? You HATE Shakesphere! "Well you never know...."
*Sigh* "Right fine....but could you please tell me where you've put those stacks of paper, they were rather important." Oh dear were they? Well you should have mentioned that before dear I'm afraid that I took them for rubbish and dumped them in a big binliner. pause.... "YOU DID WHAT???!!!" "Well I'm sure that you'll be able to sort them out from the bag, it'll be fine.
"Right fine whatever...wait a minute why are my tarot cards all together?" "Well they were all in different places and none of the pairs were together so i put all of the matching ones together. Far more organised now." Loooong pause. "Right, thank you Mother. I'll see you later."
And then she left...singing, bloody singing. *bangs head on desk* Tarot cards lose their aura, so to speak, when handled by someone other than their owner and to be mixed together in such a way...well lets just say I'm going to have to put them all out in the next full moon. *Sigh* Either way it freaked me out so much that I couldn't spend time in the room today, the energy felt all wrong. However I'm in it now several hours later, I still feel sick in my stomach about the way it feels but I have moved my candles back and my statues. Theres nothing i can do about the tarot cards for a while and I'm going to be up all night sorting out my writing papers. I'll nab my books when my mum goes to sleep, I'm not going to be able to sleep until I get it as fully restored as possible.
I don't know though, maybe the fact that my mother suddenly got it into her head to 'organise' my room was an indication that it is time for me to slightly change the energy patterns in my room. After all I've changed a lot recently, so why shouldn't my surroundings too? Hmm its something to ponder.
Anyway, I knows its silly to get worked up about something as silly as a room. But to me its important, it is a space for me and I am very choosy about how I live. Please someone tell me I'm not the only person who gets this worked up about rooms!
So imagine my horror today when I returned home to find my room completly changed. I mean totally changed, not just minor details (which admittedly would throw me slightly out of wack) but big things.
As soon as I stood outside my bedroom door I sensed something wrong, before even going into the room I went downstairs and yelled at my mother what the hell she thought she was doing going into my room.
"I just wanted to make your bed..." Totally disregarding that I am the one that always makes my bed for the precise reason I cannot stand to have someone in my room, so then I very calmly asked why she had felt it nessesary to move anything else about.
"Well I just bent down to do the corners and I saw a pile of papers, all torn around the edges and it looked so untidy just sitting there I had to move it and once I got started I just couldn't seem to stop." *Groan* Seriously the woman has lived with me for very nearly eighteen years and she can't remember that I am very picky about this sort of thing.
Resignedly I trudged back up the stairs to see the extent of the damage and my mother (totally clueless) followed me, again why couldn't she pick up that I was pissed and leave me alone. Our conversation vaugely followed these lines.
"Mother, why the hell are all of my candles grouped together in the centre of the table?" " Well they just look so neat that way, and imagine how pretty it will look when you have them all burning together!"
"Right, well then where on earth have all of my dragon statues gone?" "Oh they were taking up so much room I put them with the family statues downstairs."
"And my books? You moved my books!!!!" "Well yes, I put them on the bookcase downstairs, we'll all be able to read them that way." I can understand that with some of them but why my complete works of Shakespeare? You HATE Shakesphere! "Well you never know...."
*Sigh* "Right fine....but could you please tell me where you've put those stacks of paper, they were rather important." Oh dear were they? Well you should have mentioned that before dear I'm afraid that I took them for rubbish and dumped them in a big binliner. pause.... "YOU DID WHAT???!!!" "Well I'm sure that you'll be able to sort them out from the bag, it'll be fine.
"Right fine whatever...wait a minute why are my tarot cards all together?" "Well they were all in different places and none of the pairs were together so i put all of the matching ones together. Far more organised now." Loooong pause. "Right, thank you Mother. I'll see you later."
And then she left...singing, bloody singing. *bangs head on desk* Tarot cards lose their aura, so to speak, when handled by someone other than their owner and to be mixed together in such a way...well lets just say I'm going to have to put them all out in the next full moon. *Sigh* Either way it freaked me out so much that I couldn't spend time in the room today, the energy felt all wrong. However I'm in it now several hours later, I still feel sick in my stomach about the way it feels but I have moved my candles back and my statues. Theres nothing i can do about the tarot cards for a while and I'm going to be up all night sorting out my writing papers. I'll nab my books when my mum goes to sleep, I'm not going to be able to sleep until I get it as fully restored as possible.
I don't know though, maybe the fact that my mother suddenly got it into her head to 'organise' my room was an indication that it is time for me to slightly change the energy patterns in my room. After all I've changed a lot recently, so why shouldn't my surroundings too? Hmm its something to ponder.
Anyway, I knows its silly to get worked up about something as silly as a room. But to me its important, it is a space for me and I am very choosy about how I live. Please someone tell me I'm not the only person who gets this worked up about rooms!
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AHH!
Date: 2006-04-18 10:56 am (UTC)So I thought. Ya know, she probably wanted to feel closer to her daughter. Maybe you should have dinner with her soon so she feels less inclined to "clean". And while you eat, you can explain how important your placement of things are. I completely understood that first paragraph. Your about to be eighteen and deserve the respect an adult gets. I bet that's weighing on her mind. Your not...her little girl. Only...you always will be and she should be there if you need her, not FORCE her way in and when she finds things she doesn't like simply removes them. You ARE your own person and sorting your own way in the world.
I felt really, really bad about your Tarot cards. That is SO true. I think you should tell her about that or leave a note on them (perhaps put them in a shoebox with a polite warning). At least you KNOW she touched them so that you can fix the energy.
Lastly, you blew me away with your final comment of it possibly being a sign of fate. THAT could very well be and it even escaped me in my sympathetic outrage. Certainly, that is a much more freeing way of looking at it. You can say that positive comment to your mom when she gets too upset (humming? *raises eyebrow*) with a warning that you'd reallly appreciate it she never did that again without your permission. It's tricky being a grown child. You are entitled to your own space, but it's not exactly "yours" either. Hm?
I used to let my younger sister in my room. I wanted to let her in since she had shut me out. I didn't care what she looked at or found, even if it was sexual. I knew she was curious even if she ridiculed me for having it. Then she developed a nasty habit of TAKING my things without asking. Again, I could forgive her for that. I saw it as a sign of love when she wanted to wear one of my old shirts or a leather cord necklace (provided it was not my anhk) or such. BUT, then she would destroy those things by getting them filthy or tangled or stained. She did that to her own things, but one should take better care of borrowed things. In truth one should take better care of things period. Learning respect is good.
Since she is gone, few souls go into my dwelling. I do tend to panic or worry what people will think. It looks odd. Not entirely unlike my door. I also partake in a variety of unusual interests. *ahem* So, I don't think it's silly at all. So there.
Re: AHH!
Date: 2006-04-18 12:58 pm (UTC)*Laughs* If my mother wanted to feel closer to me by looking through my stuff she was in for one hell of a shock. Its actually very rare for me to write het stuff and so if she read any of my papers she would have been assaulted by various slash pairings. *Smirk* Actually seeing her face on that revelation would have been very amusing, would teach her not to snoop at any rate. She hasn't mentioned it though.
Anyway my Dad's away tonight so I'm cooking dinner and sitting her down to explain a few things like you suggested. Now that I've basically restored my room, I do think that she was trying to keep me as her little girl. Especially since I'm an only child so *shrug* we just have a few things to dicuss.
*Shudders* Yes my poor Tarot. I don't know why she thought it was a good idea, but again they are something I'm gonna have to explain. Out of curiosity I tried doing a layout with my favourite pack last night (The dragons) and it was messed up. The fact that I use the different decks in different moods meant that as well as the distrubed energy there was the messed up mood patterns in them. *Sigh* But like you say at least I can fix them.
Ah the fate comment shows the basic way I'm trying to think about things now. And though it escaped you, it makes me smile to hear about your sympathetic outrage, it means someone understands!! Lol *Smile* Though I have to admit a certain amount of ignorance at your 'humming' comment and the raised eyebrow. Did I hum or did my mum? Sorry *blush*
No techniclly it isn't really my space but I'm going to finding my own place to rent soon enough which will mean I will have my space, I can't wait.
See even if I had a younger sibling there would be no way I could let them into my room like that. I have a friend who has two younger sisters and whenever I'm over there I am occasionally in her room alone (which, freaks me out a bit because it just feels like such a forbidden thing to me) and her sisters come in and move things around and look for things and take things. I just sit there with my mouth hanging open, it amazes me.
But I think its great that you opened up to your sister like that, I'm sure that it really helped her even if she didn't say the words. Personally I think it was a very brave thing to do, I couldn't. I have to smile at the image of her wearing one of your old T-shirts or one of your necklaces, I don't know why but it strikes me as a very beautiful image of unspoken love. *Smile* Its a pity about the lack of respect but I bet you're still glad that you did it.
Your door owns!!! (Am I meant to say pwns? What does that even technically mean?! Was it just that someones finger slipped when writing 'owns' and it caught on?) I don't think its odd at all -I promise that I will comment at your journal! Just have to say this now- I think your door is beautiful. Just looking at the pictures I am drawn into it, I think I'd be totally hypnotised if I saw it for real. I bet that your apartment is just as stunning and those who wouldn't be able to appreciate it are blind in my opinion.
Unusual interests? *Smirks* Sounds interesting :D
Yay you don't think I'm silly! *Bounce*