The light, The darkness and smiles!

[velvetina_belle]

Hey there! God I dread to think how long it is since I've seriously sat down at my computer and come on here. But I'm back and am a happier person which is great. I've had a great time recently and have a few happy points to share in hope that it spreads the happiness!

First point that I'm currently happy about is that in nine days I'm going to have my 18 BIRTHDAY. 23rd of April, folks think of me that day please because I'm going to be so crazily hyper!!

Second point is that the play that I was directing has gotten to the National Theatre. I'm the first ever under 18 (JUST!) to get a play at the national, I am so happy about that. Its made all of the hell I've gotten from it totally worth it. *dances*

Third I went to see Rocky Horror. I have to say it was quite possibly the best night of my life. I learnt all of the callouts which just enchanced the experiance and just generally had a great time. Although at the end a random transvestite that I met and I had to be kicked out by Franknfurter (Yes I know thats wrong! lol) because we wouldn't stop doing the Time Warp. Seriously if you haven't been GO!

Fourthly my drama group is doing a caberet soon and I've jumped into that feet first. I'm doing lots of things, including a scene from Willy Wonka (YAY working with Matt again as well as revisiting one of my best roles ever. But I am gonna have to deal with the bear again) but I am also singing a David Bowie song, Life On Mars (Yes Idol Hands I can see you grinning at this particular line up) I'm doing lots of other things too, but it feels so darn good to be on the stage again after directing!

Anyway in connection to a post that [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] recently did 'The Demon' we got into an interesting talk about how the light can also adversely effect you and well as the darkness. With that in mind I thought that I'd post some of the thoughts we came up with and other thoughts that I have on the subject.

As anyone who has ever read one of my older posts knows, I have my fair share of demons that I was always trying to run away from, desperatly trying to reach towards the light and escape. Well I have given up on that, in this world it simply isn't possible. Don't try you will only make yourself miserable. Seriously do as I have done, don't cage your demons. Instead embrace them listen to what they have to say but also take your angels and listen to what they have to say. Ideally you will be able to meld your darkness and light into one thing that lets you see in shades of grey rather than simply in black and white. I promise you that it has made my life scarily better, I'm the same person...I will admit that things still get me down afterall I am only human, however it is far easier to to find the silver lining around the cloud.

However what about those who actually seem to shun the light? Those who prefer to hide in shadows, never being seen, hardly ever being remembered. What do they get out of the darkness that they don't get from light? Well its exactly that we tease them about, they have a certain anonymity that allows them to go through life without having to truely examine what they are doing. The light exposes them, exposes the flaws that they wish to hide. However I think that once you embrace your flaw, what you are, you are to a certain extent bound to become a happier -hell healthier- person.

Now yes I hear the dark lovers out there crying in outrage that they most certainly are not afraid of the light, and that they are perfectly happy with any so called falws that they may have. I hurry to insist that simply because you may be attracted to the darker side of life (I myself am, as demonstrated that I belong to darksidewonka) that you are not a dark person. In fact those who are attracted to the dark generally seem to be the most adapted to life and its pitfalls (note GENERALLY) I think that is because those who are dark lovers have often been through a phase of true darkness. They understand it, the are even friends with it, however they also know what its like to bask in the light. They have found the best of both worlds.

So there you are I say embrace the demons and angels in your soul. Make them work together and life will seems better, I promise.

Comments

[initial-aitch.livejournal.com]

Heh, you and Shakespeare: 23 April.

That's fantastic about your play! What a great thing to be able to put on your resume. I'm proud of you.

I've done Rocky a few times. My first was the most memorable because of course I had to be de-virginized. The actors had the audience vote by applause which virgin was to be chair-fucked, and I won/lost. Riff-Raff straddled me.

And oh yes, I always believe in assimilating all of life's lessons into oneself. Life is about experience, not about the relative goodness or badness of those experiences. Dwelling on them and feeling sorry for yourself impresses no one, and it sucks more of your life away.

Reading at darkside doesn't exactly mean you're morbid. It's just a genre, a style. I totally agree with what you said about some lovers of darkness knowing what it's like "to bask in the light." How would you know what dark is without a basis for comparison? I think if you're comfortable with your dark and light sides, you're more accepting and non-judgemental about darkfic (for example).

Certainly, I wish you more pleasant life experiences than rotten ones (although the bleaker ones are far more educational!).

[velvetina-wonka.livejournal.com]

*Hug* Lol yeah, the two great writer's forever joined.... *tries to keep serious face but fails* Yeah mainly I'm just hyped about finally being considered an adult!

Awww thank you! Yeah my resume is gonna kick ass.

Hey it was my first time and I was the virgin *high five*....not for long. I highly enjoyed the experiance and may just pretend to be a virgin again next time lol.

I didn't nessisarily mean that reading at darkside made me morbid, just that I could appreciate the darker aspects of life. Lol I'm glad to see that you agree with me. I know elsewhere that I've posted that this particular entry could offend a few people I know, but oh well.

Ah screw education bleak experiances are the pits!

*hug again* Thank you for the reply i really appreaciate the thoughts on this particular topic!

[initial-aitch.livejournal.com]

Oh I know you didn't mean that--about being morbid. I was thinking further on that, though, to a conversation I recently had with another fic author. We both write fluff to dark to everything in between. We talked about how writing the dark stuff feels extremely cathartic. It has less to do with wallowing in it than purging it, you know? To me, writing always feels like acting--you have to mull over the emotion before you can communicate it.

[velvetina-wonka.livejournal.com]

Ooh that is an interesting thought. But it is so right. I guess thats why writing (when done properly) always takes it out of you a bit. Because you tend to write and deep emotions -whatever sort- and you have to really apply yourself its bound to...do something. Hmmm I sort of ran out of my thought pattern there lol.

Marvelous post

[theidolhands.livejournal.com]

I couldn't agree more with this paragraph. However what about those who actually seem to shun the light? Those who prefer to hide in shadows, never being seen, hardly ever being remembered. What do they get out of the darkness that they don't get from light? Well its exactly that we tease them about, they have a certain anonymity that allows them to go through life without having to truely examine what they are doing. The light exposes them, exposes the flaws that they wish to hide. However I think that once you embrace your flaw, what you are, you are to a certain extent bound to become a happier -hell healthier- person.

I am often the freak among people who like dark things for praying or believing in any sort of God. I know how you feel on the subject and that's fine. I'm not insistent about my feelings, but they do give me peace, they help with the bloodlust. See, I think religion should relieve violence not contribute to it. *ahem* *chuckles*

It makes me feel all the better than you are an influence in Matt's life as he is one in yours. Your words here were very, very wise. People who enjoy dark things, Goth, can shun light things to the point where they don't even understand them or try to care. Why? Because they feel that people have done this to them. Often, when you take the time to get to know Goth people they are some of the kindest, most sensitve you'll meet. What happened is that they are hurt. I call them "dead children", since they often seem to carry a childhood trauma around inside of them; a wound that never healed. What I'd like to see, is for them to heal enough to step out of the shadows and forgive the perky, cute lovers of the world. Your right, in that sense they ARE hiding from their flaws. No one is superior. We can all teach each other and two wrongs don't make a right.

I try not to take out my angst on people that I love. I suppose that is why I haven't been able too write anything too awful happening to the characters, but...we each have our style. It would be boring if we all wrote the same thing. I'm sure I have a surprise or two in store soon if I can find the time. It's next on my list of things to catch up with.

And to read all of the good news!! THAT is no accident!! I'm sure you have effected your own fate with these new revelations. You know, emotionally you are VERY mature, it's no wonder that you have had difficult problems with people your own age. I have to remind myself that you are only 17. You may also notice how WISE children are in comparrison, that we almost get dumber as we get older sometimes, we get lost in the shuffle of life. The details are so distracting from it's real meaning. I forgive people for forgetting that, but it does help if we learn to look outside of ourselves once in a while. I bet you'll find slightly older people better company in general. I tend to enjoy the company of old people and children the most. Older people, fifty or older, especially 70 and older, often get back to reflecting on life in more broad senses.

I hope you have a great birthday no matter HOW you decide to spend it, simple or loud. I wish I could do more to make it special.

Sorry, my reply got delayed. I've been re-covering from medical junk. I may decide to do a post on it soon. I dunno.

And...

[theidolhands.livejournal.com]

I wanna hear about that Bowie thing! You bet yer buttons!!

I'm also rather jazzed that Willy get's to be trotted out again. After all, in my mind, you are the person who always wears his costume...and that itchy beard. Nah, I'm kidding. I DO see you in a purple velvet coat and top hat though.

Sailors, fighting in the dance hall. Oh man! Look at those cavemen go....

[velvetina-wonka.livejournal.com]

:D As soon as I got asked to sing the Bowie song my mind flicked to you! Its a great song to sing, and the vocal concentration it takes to do it properly is amazing.

*Raises top hat* Why thank you my dear, I'm so tickled to here ya say that. After all purple is so flattering, I'm thinking of devoting a whole type of choclate to the colour. It's helped by the fact that it matches my eyes, dontcha think?

*Laughs* Yeah I'm having fun getting back into the role of the eccentric chocolatier. Though it has to be said, the beard is even more irritating than I remember. *grin* You really seen me dressed like that? Thats awesome....and I do often wear a top hat. Haven't found a purple velvet coat that I really like yet...excpet for the theatres and they won't let me steal it. Lol

But yeah I'm thrilled about the caberet, I'm doing lots of things in it. :D

Re: Marvelous post

[velvetina-wonka.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you enjoyed the post, I know that you better than most probably understand what I'm trying to say.

See I like the fact that you understand my feelings on religion and I understand yours. We respect each others beliefs and thats cool, what gets me irritated is when the 'fanatics' tell me I'm going to hell for not having the same faith as them! Ah yes religion and war...its a topic that I can rant about but won't. Theres nothing I can do about it.

I loved your paragraph about Goth's. Like you it is my experiance that they tend to be some of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. Far nicer than the so called 'trendies', who are the type to talk behind your back.

*Grin* I like the sound of surprises :D Yeah I get what you mean about not taking angst out on loved ones, sometimes its impossible though, or at least thats what I've found. But with characters I definatly agree. I can't write proper angst without knowing that its going to defiantly get better. Occasionally I get a bit twitchy reading angst because it all to often seems to relate to something actually happening in the world.

'I have to remind myself that you are only 17.' That has to be one of the best compliments anyone has ever given me. You are right that I find people my own age so tedious to talk to/be around, so to be told that I'm not easily placed within that group comforts me. Like you said as we get older we become so wrapped up in life and getting things right, that we forget the beauty of being a child. Being able to see life neutrally. I seem to be able to best spend time with those about seven years older than me (to senior citizans. I love the stories that old people have to tell!) and a few children. Of course there are the few exceptions but in general thats it.

I'm looking foward to my birthday. On the day I'm staying pretty quiet, going out for lunch with Matt and then having a couple of friends over in the evening. Then later in the week I'm going out for a meal. Just keeping its very quiet. Awww you have made it special already by simply giving me someone to talk to who understands and has wonderful things to say. *Hug* Like you once said to me, yer a good nut!

Eek medical junk. I am sorry to hear that. Personally I have given up on medical stuff, what will happen will happen. I hope that it works for you, especially since you mentioned before that you are trying a new track. You have all my hopes and wishes.