velvetina_belle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
velvetina_belle) wrote2006-01-14 04:34 pm
velvetina_belle) wrote2006-01-14 04:34 pm
Monolgue for St Min and....venting
Hey guys, a little while a go I promised St Minority that I would send her my old coursework that was based on one of our mutal fave songs 'Boulevard of broken dreams' I have attempted to send it to her but I'm not sure it got through. Hope you enjoy it St Min
Monologue: Broken dreams
Lights come up as music starts to play. We see Catalina, a 19-year-old girl studying medicine at university as a major with Psychology as a minor. She looks like the typical teenager, with long brown hair and clothing typical of her age.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
It’s already the end of March; it doesn’t seem like three months since the New Year. I’d gone back to university a couple of weeks early so most people weren’t back yet. They had all gone on holiday with their friends and wanted to stay on holiday as long as possible I guess. No one asked me to go on holiday with them so, I went home instead. To be truthful, I couldn’t stand being with my family to long. Mother was all over Elizabeth as usual. (Pause and insert music to set mood) Elizabeth’s my sister. She’s just started her A-level year and she’s doing ’arty’ subjects, you know, Media, Art, Drama and Music. Now all I hear about is ‘Isn’t it wonderful that Eliza is doing four subjects at A-level. You remember that you only did three.’ I’d sit there and think, ‘of course I remember mother never mind that my subjects had been Psychology, English and Biology’. I did subjects that father insisted on because they were ‘worthwhile’ subjects as he phrased it. Talking about Father he’s been no use, then again he never was, he’s either doing business with associates or sucking up to his business associates. (Pause) After the Family dinner on Boxing Day I left; I think the sight of Aunt Helen trying to kiss Father in her drunken state was what finally drove me to leaving but with that lot who can tell? Anyway I decided to put my time to good use. I finished off all of the work that I had been set over the holidays; it took longer than I thought it would. I just found it hard to get enthused about cardiovascular systems.
walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
I’ve managed to get a job now at a Karaoke club as a waitress. I love working at the club. I get to work with a team that I love, it’s all girls there. I don’t talk about my life much but I’m more than happy to listen to others. It’s actually surprising how many talented people there are, I’d love to get up there and sing myself but I can’t. I always wanted to be a singer until one day Mother said to me ‘Catalina stop that awful caterwauling I’m trying to get Eliza ready to have her hair done.’ I’ve never sung again since. Well that’s not important now, if I continue on with my studies I can get a real job. The main reason behind getting a job is that I want some of my own money, I hate sponging of Mother and Father. I want to be an independent woman.
(Go to black- Music starts to play again)
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
February was a disaster. Going back to school was harder than I thought it was going to be. For the first two weeks, I was sent to the local hospital to see how things were run etc. This in turn meant I didn’t have any psychology for two weeks. I was worried about missing all that work in psychology but Professor Celeron said to me “Don’t worry about the work. Professor Sturbridge has been informed and will set aside some sheets and notes for you.” Although this was great it meant that I’ve been working non-stop. Luckily though Professor Sturbridge said that he didn’t need to go through it one on one with me. Teacher, student one on one talks make me nervous…its suddenly so cold in here.
Pulls on cardigan
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
March went quickly enough. I guess that what they say is true; time really does go quicker when you’re busy. I joined a group that meets on Wednesday nights and we have a good time. We get to talk about everything and get what’s happened off our chests. One of the girls said to me, “You’re crazy. You should go to the police” I just told her, I have no faith in the police and I can deal with it on my own.
The work has been gradually getting harder in psychology. I really ought to go to Professor Sturbridge but like I said the whole one-on-one thing bothers me, I’m sure all I need to do is study harder. I got asked out on a date for tonight but I turned him down, dating seems wrong to me now. There was a time that I’d have jumped at the chance but I’ve changed.
Go to black
Lights come up on Catalina sitting at her desk.
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
April ended along with another a trip home. Elizabeth’s birthday was on Easter Sunday so a couple of weeks before I got this call from Mother demanding my presence. I don’t know why she bothered I spent most of my holiday in the spare room doing work or sitting on the settee thinking that I should be doing work. It wasn’t as though anyone noticed I was there, I didn’t even get an Easter egg, I think I’m meant to be above that sort of thing now. I left as soon as was possible, it was great to get back to my dorm room with its peace and quiet, no one ever bothers me. I don’t understand how everyone feels ok to go out partying every night, where do they get the time? I spend every night that I’m not working in my room studying or doing essays. Why aren’t I able to concentrate on the work anymore? Every time it comes to handing a piece of work in I feel ill because I know it isn’t as good as it should be.
Moving on. May and June were confusing to say the least. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t stop feeling like I’m being watched. Wherever I go I can feel eyes watching me, it’s not a pleasant feeling either it makes me shudder. I tried calling mother for comfort but the first time all I got was, “Darling you’re a paranoid person, after all think of what you thought you psychology Professor did to you last Christmas and we all know it wasn’t true” I called again later when the feeling didn’t go away but this time Father actually picked up the phone and he told me in his booming voice “I thought I had raised you to be a sensible child, do you want to disappoint me?” All I wanted to do was snap back ‘you didn’t raise me at all you never cared enough’ but no I had to be weak and mumble ‘sorry father’ before hanging up. Maybe they’re right though. Maybe I am paranoid, maybe I am a disappointment. Maybe I should never have had dreams...maybe I was born to be weak.
Go to black
Lights come up on Catalina in a state e.g. Mascara running down her face
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...
It’s the third of December. Broke up yesterday and I just had to go to that stupid end of term party. It happened again. All I can do now is scream mentally ‘why?’
Can’t tell anyone. No-one believed me last time. Why would they now?
I know now what everyone’s been trying to tell me...
I’m worthless...I have nothing left...
Nothing but broken dreams
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
Yes I did write this peice when I was going through my depression, and expressing it kind of helped me at the time...also if you can't figure out what happened to her feel free to ask unless of course you are happy leaving it ambigous.
Ok well last you heard from me I was stressing over my examinations...well I have one left on next friday and then I am done. But I've also been having a hard time with my psychology teacher at the moment. We are doing coursework and because I've had hospital appointments or been sick I've missed a few lessons. So over the xmas holidays I caught up with everything and handed it into her last tuesday so that she could make some comments on it so I could improve it for when it was due to be handed in (last friday) and she had a massive go at me for missing deadlines and when I told her it was because I was ill she said to me "Well you shouldn't be so ill" and when I defended myself by saying I don't choose to be ill she got all pissy with me and told me that I was going to fail. Then to top it off she refused to give my work back to me to correct because I hadn't given it in on the proper dead line...stupid fucking cow. I actually hate her and want her to drop off the edge of this fucking planet...seriously if my grade drops because of that bitch I am going to be fucked off....or even more so, as shown by the various amounts of swear words creeping in i guess its obvious I'm pissed....sorry about that.
My best friends 'transformation' is once again taking a turn for the downside so screw that bitch too. I'm fed up of being bitched on, screwed over and generally put down. The bastards can just find themselves someone else to piss with because I have had enough.
The guy that came crying for help came back about a week ago and I've been in such a snit lately that I just said "Why don't you go hang yourself, I'm not going to tell you that you've done nothing wrong because you have and I refuse to have you in my house. The world will be a better place without you"
The 'player' who was pissing me off also got the sharp end of my temper. Thank you so much for the advice you gave Idol Hands, I would never have played him but because he could believe I was turning him down he just kept hassiling me. So I told him to shove it....in terms not suitable to type down.
I don't lose my temper all that often but this past week has been enough just to make me blow! So I'm sorry that I've vented liked this but if I didn't I would go insane...as it is I am afraid that this week has been spent panicking, drinking more than is good for me (which I never do), smoking...which I hate that I've resorted to because I honestly think its a terrible habit 'n' I've never actually smoked before this week and just wishing the whole thing was over with so that I could piss off to America and not see these bastards again.
....and so ends my rant. Sorry. I hoep you enjoyed the monologue St Minority. Now I am off to go listen to some soothing music.
Monologue: Broken dreams
Lights come up as music starts to play. We see Catalina, a 19-year-old girl studying medicine at university as a major with Psychology as a minor. She looks like the typical teenager, with long brown hair and clothing typical of her age.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
It’s already the end of March; it doesn’t seem like three months since the New Year. I’d gone back to university a couple of weeks early so most people weren’t back yet. They had all gone on holiday with their friends and wanted to stay on holiday as long as possible I guess. No one asked me to go on holiday with them so, I went home instead. To be truthful, I couldn’t stand being with my family to long. Mother was all over Elizabeth as usual. (Pause and insert music to set mood) Elizabeth’s my sister. She’s just started her A-level year and she’s doing ’arty’ subjects, you know, Media, Art, Drama and Music. Now all I hear about is ‘Isn’t it wonderful that Eliza is doing four subjects at A-level. You remember that you only did three.’ I’d sit there and think, ‘of course I remember mother never mind that my subjects had been Psychology, English and Biology’. I did subjects that father insisted on because they were ‘worthwhile’ subjects as he phrased it. Talking about Father he’s been no use, then again he never was, he’s either doing business with associates or sucking up to his business associates. (Pause) After the Family dinner on Boxing Day I left; I think the sight of Aunt Helen trying to kiss Father in her drunken state was what finally drove me to leaving but with that lot who can tell? Anyway I decided to put my time to good use. I finished off all of the work that I had been set over the holidays; it took longer than I thought it would. I just found it hard to get enthused about cardiovascular systems.
walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
I’ve managed to get a job now at a Karaoke club as a waitress. I love working at the club. I get to work with a team that I love, it’s all girls there. I don’t talk about my life much but I’m more than happy to listen to others. It’s actually surprising how many talented people there are, I’d love to get up there and sing myself but I can’t. I always wanted to be a singer until one day Mother said to me ‘Catalina stop that awful caterwauling I’m trying to get Eliza ready to have her hair done.’ I’ve never sung again since. Well that’s not important now, if I continue on with my studies I can get a real job. The main reason behind getting a job is that I want some of my own money, I hate sponging of Mother and Father. I want to be an independent woman.
(Go to black- Music starts to play again)
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
February was a disaster. Going back to school was harder than I thought it was going to be. For the first two weeks, I was sent to the local hospital to see how things were run etc. This in turn meant I didn’t have any psychology for two weeks. I was worried about missing all that work in psychology but Professor Celeron said to me “Don’t worry about the work. Professor Sturbridge has been informed and will set aside some sheets and notes for you.” Although this was great it meant that I’ve been working non-stop. Luckily though Professor Sturbridge said that he didn’t need to go through it one on one with me. Teacher, student one on one talks make me nervous…its suddenly so cold in here.
Pulls on cardigan
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
March went quickly enough. I guess that what they say is true; time really does go quicker when you’re busy. I joined a group that meets on Wednesday nights and we have a good time. We get to talk about everything and get what’s happened off our chests. One of the girls said to me, “You’re crazy. You should go to the police” I just told her, I have no faith in the police and I can deal with it on my own.
The work has been gradually getting harder in psychology. I really ought to go to Professor Sturbridge but like I said the whole one-on-one thing bothers me, I’m sure all I need to do is study harder. I got asked out on a date for tonight but I turned him down, dating seems wrong to me now. There was a time that I’d have jumped at the chance but I’ve changed.
Go to black
Lights come up on Catalina sitting at her desk.
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
April ended along with another a trip home. Elizabeth’s birthday was on Easter Sunday so a couple of weeks before I got this call from Mother demanding my presence. I don’t know why she bothered I spent most of my holiday in the spare room doing work or sitting on the settee thinking that I should be doing work. It wasn’t as though anyone noticed I was there, I didn’t even get an Easter egg, I think I’m meant to be above that sort of thing now. I left as soon as was possible, it was great to get back to my dorm room with its peace and quiet, no one ever bothers me. I don’t understand how everyone feels ok to go out partying every night, where do they get the time? I spend every night that I’m not working in my room studying or doing essays. Why aren’t I able to concentrate on the work anymore? Every time it comes to handing a piece of work in I feel ill because I know it isn’t as good as it should be.
Moving on. May and June were confusing to say the least. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t stop feeling like I’m being watched. Wherever I go I can feel eyes watching me, it’s not a pleasant feeling either it makes me shudder. I tried calling mother for comfort but the first time all I got was, “Darling you’re a paranoid person, after all think of what you thought you psychology Professor did to you last Christmas and we all know it wasn’t true” I called again later when the feeling didn’t go away but this time Father actually picked up the phone and he told me in his booming voice “I thought I had raised you to be a sensible child, do you want to disappoint me?” All I wanted to do was snap back ‘you didn’t raise me at all you never cared enough’ but no I had to be weak and mumble ‘sorry father’ before hanging up. Maybe they’re right though. Maybe I am paranoid, maybe I am a disappointment. Maybe I should never have had dreams...maybe I was born to be weak.
Go to black
Lights come up on Catalina in a state e.g. Mascara running down her face
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...
It’s the third of December. Broke up yesterday and I just had to go to that stupid end of term party. It happened again. All I can do now is scream mentally ‘why?’
Can’t tell anyone. No-one believed me last time. Why would they now?
I know now what everyone’s been trying to tell me...
I’m worthless...I have nothing left...
Nothing but broken dreams
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
Yes I did write this peice when I was going through my depression, and expressing it kind of helped me at the time...also if you can't figure out what happened to her feel free to ask unless of course you are happy leaving it ambigous.
Ok well last you heard from me I was stressing over my examinations...well I have one left on next friday and then I am done. But I've also been having a hard time with my psychology teacher at the moment. We are doing coursework and because I've had hospital appointments or been sick I've missed a few lessons. So over the xmas holidays I caught up with everything and handed it into her last tuesday so that she could make some comments on it so I could improve it for when it was due to be handed in (last friday) and she had a massive go at me for missing deadlines and when I told her it was because I was ill she said to me "Well you shouldn't be so ill" and when I defended myself by saying I don't choose to be ill she got all pissy with me and told me that I was going to fail. Then to top it off she refused to give my work back to me to correct because I hadn't given it in on the proper dead line...stupid fucking cow. I actually hate her and want her to drop off the edge of this fucking planet...seriously if my grade drops because of that bitch I am going to be fucked off....or even more so, as shown by the various amounts of swear words creeping in i guess its obvious I'm pissed....sorry about that.
My best friends 'transformation' is once again taking a turn for the downside so screw that bitch too. I'm fed up of being bitched on, screwed over and generally put down. The bastards can just find themselves someone else to piss with because I have had enough.
The guy that came crying for help came back about a week ago and I've been in such a snit lately that I just said "Why don't you go hang yourself, I'm not going to tell you that you've done nothing wrong because you have and I refuse to have you in my house. The world will be a better place without you"
The 'player' who was pissing me off also got the sharp end of my temper. Thank you so much for the advice you gave Idol Hands, I would never have played him but because he could believe I was turning him down he just kept hassiling me. So I told him to shove it....in terms not suitable to type down.
I don't lose my temper all that often but this past week has been enough just to make me blow! So I'm sorry that I've vented liked this but if I didn't I would go insane...as it is I am afraid that this week has been spent panicking, drinking more than is good for me (which I never do), smoking...which I hate that I've resorted to because I honestly think its a terrible habit 'n' I've never actually smoked before this week and just wishing the whole thing was over with so that I could piss off to America and not see these bastards again.
....and so ends my rant. Sorry. I hoep you enjoyed the monologue St Minority. Now I am off to go listen to some soothing music.
*pours a cup of hot tea*
Maybe it's better that it all happened at once, perhaps having your dander all worked up gave you the strength to tell them all off. Believe it or not, sometimes people REALLY need to be told off. One of those folks, once they get over it (if they even need to - I wonder how much they truly liked YOU) may very well thank you.
Give Matt a call if only to cheer yourself up. Spend time with some favorite things of your childhood; get in touch with your inner soul. You're going to be fine. After all, these were other people's stupidities not your own. Yer a good nut.
*drinks deeply*
I guess in my heart I kind of knew that it wasn't really going to go well. I am really a very cynical person and have very little faith in human nature in general. Occasionally you are able to meet someone who proves you wrong...at the moment I know a couple and it makes me feel slightly better. However I think I want to be able to trust people which has the measure of making me slightly gullible as I so desperatly want to believe that people really do need the help and support I'm offering, rather than simply using me. Its been a hard lesson to learn.
Yes looking back I hope that what I said to that guy did kind of kick some sense into him. So what if i was harsh, its prob. what he needed. Lol yes the player...well he's stopped hassiling me and resorted to giving me a few odd looks but in general he's been alot quieter than he used to be and several people have commented on it. With my friend I have just totally given up, I cannot be bothered. Yes it hurts but I will get over it an realise that I wasn't really ever her friend.
As for them in general. I am moving on and sticking to my five close friends who (even though there weren't there through the worst of it) have stuck by me since, been there when I needed them etc Other than that I really can't be bothered. It also felt great to get out all my built up anger.
Actually after reading this I did call up Matt and we chatted and it turns out he's got a bakers day tomorrow which means he's not in school and I only have one lesson so we're meeting up, his moms gonna drop him off and I'm gonna take him out and spoil him. Also to make myself feel better I've re-read the first Harry Potter, I've talked about the soothing qualities that book has on me before in a previous post. Thank you very much and you are a good nut too.
Re: *drinks deeply*
Tell Matt I said "Hi!"
Re: Tell Matt I said "Hi!"
*Matt waves*
*Idol Hands (hides all the porn) and waves back*
Re: *steals porn and whistles*
no subject
I'm sorry about how things are going in your personal life though. Hopefully they'll turn out alright. I just had a smoke the other day in the backyard. Things got to be too much and finally I broke down and said "I need a fucking cigarette!" It was the first one in several months, so. But then the house smelled like cotton candy perfume and a hint of smoke after I sprayed it down. Nice. LOL.
(no subject)