velvetina_belle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
velvetina_belle) wrote2006-05-31 09:43 pm
velvetina_belle) wrote2006-05-31 09:43 pm
Remember when you were little...?
Just a little bit of rememberance from when I was a child that I stumbled over today.
Ah I've had a lovely day today. Just been pretty relaxed...well maybe the morning was slightly chaotic. *Laugh* I had a 'Cellblock Tango' rehersal this morning and we've finally got it fully choreographed, though it ended up I had to take charge and do quite a bit of it myself but at least its done, just in time for friday. However *groan* I ache all over, seriously I didn't know I could knot myself into some of those positions, as for litereally bending over backwards *Rolls eyes* How is it the short ones doing the tricky stunts instead of the leggy limber ones huh? *Laugh* Oh well despite the ache I still had fun and feel good.
Anyway when I got home I relaxed then, which was cool. It started off with me starting to do some writing and that kept me with my nose to the keyboard for a couple of hours until I got into an arguement with my muses about what was going to happen. *Shakes head* Yes I do tend to verbalize when I argue like that as well, my folks have got used to the random yelling and swearing coming from my room and know its best not to disturb me.
Anyway we eventually agreed to move onto a different piece of fiction...one of my original works which I will hopefully get to spend some quality time on now that I've finished school. They kept me happily occupied for a while longer -occasionally getting disturbed by an email- until finally I looked up and around my room and just had to wince.
Now to me my room isn't a mess at the moment. Its more sort of disorganised chaos *wince* well I know where everything is. My revision notes are spread on my floor in their various sections of my room, allowing me to see the whole picture rather than just having them bunched up on my table. I have postit notes stuck all over my walls with key notes from various studies. However, I do have to admit that to the casual observer my room would look like a hurricane had hit it. So to stop my mother going into one of her cleaning fits -Like I mentioned she did before- I reluctantly attempted to arrange my organised 'mess' into an organised 'neatness'. Unfortunatly I didn't really get all that far into my 'tidying'...I was moving files out of a massive box I have so that I could place my papers in it when I stumbled across works I'd written as a child. A massive folder full and on the front of each piece my fathers written how long each story is, how old I was when I wrote it and what the title was.
I was amazed. I found my first every story that was written at the tender age of five (well jointly with my father, he typed and put in grammer I told him what I wanted apparently) and it was thirty A4 pages long, about what seems like a very Wonderland typed of adventure. I had to smile reading it over.
Next I found a whole series of stories that I wrote when I was nine.(This time all by myself!) A trilogy folks! *dances...giggle* I had a surprisingly good time reading them, and have a sudden urge to update them. Each was 33 pages long...I don't know if for a nine year old thats a lot or not but it seems so to me.
I also found a fic that I'd started when I was ten...I'd gotten to about 50 pages until I remember having to give it up because of so much school work. I hate to sound like I'm blowin' my own horn or something but I'm surpised at the sophistication I used at that age. Whether I was simply emulating books I was reading (I've read far beyond my age range all my life.) or whether I just have a flair *Snort-yeah right* I don't really know. I'm just sorry that the computer they were originally on is gone now so I can't correct them on the computer, I've got to start over. But I think I'm going to enjoy the task.
However all this has got me thinking and wanting to ask just a few questions:
1. When did you first start to write...even is it was just some random drabble thing, it counts!
2. What topic have you always seemed to be drawn to. Pure fanfiction or original works? Horror/Comedy....whatever!
3. Am I the only one who pretty much has to listen to music when writing. I find it almost impossible to write with silence surrounding me.
4....ah ok not that many questions *blush* But anything else you wanna mention. Just go ahead. *Smile*
Ah I've had a lovely day today. Just been pretty relaxed...well maybe the morning was slightly chaotic. *Laugh* I had a 'Cellblock Tango' rehersal this morning and we've finally got it fully choreographed, though it ended up I had to take charge and do quite a bit of it myself but at least its done, just in time for friday. However *groan* I ache all over, seriously I didn't know I could knot myself into some of those positions, as for litereally bending over backwards *Rolls eyes* How is it the short ones doing the tricky stunts instead of the leggy limber ones huh? *Laugh* Oh well despite the ache I still had fun and feel good.
Anyway when I got home I relaxed then, which was cool. It started off with me starting to do some writing and that kept me with my nose to the keyboard for a couple of hours until I got into an arguement with my muses about what was going to happen. *Shakes head* Yes I do tend to verbalize when I argue like that as well, my folks have got used to the random yelling and swearing coming from my room and know its best not to disturb me.
Anyway we eventually agreed to move onto a different piece of fiction...one of my original works which I will hopefully get to spend some quality time on now that I've finished school. They kept me happily occupied for a while longer -occasionally getting disturbed by an email- until finally I looked up and around my room and just had to wince.
Now to me my room isn't a mess at the moment. Its more sort of disorganised chaos *wince* well I know where everything is. My revision notes are spread on my floor in their various sections of my room, allowing me to see the whole picture rather than just having them bunched up on my table. I have postit notes stuck all over my walls with key notes from various studies. However, I do have to admit that to the casual observer my room would look like a hurricane had hit it. So to stop my mother going into one of her cleaning fits -Like I mentioned she did before- I reluctantly attempted to arrange my organised 'mess' into an organised 'neatness'. Unfortunatly I didn't really get all that far into my 'tidying'...I was moving files out of a massive box I have so that I could place my papers in it when I stumbled across works I'd written as a child. A massive folder full and on the front of each piece my fathers written how long each story is, how old I was when I wrote it and what the title was.
I was amazed. I found my first every story that was written at the tender age of five (well jointly with my father, he typed and put in grammer I told him what I wanted apparently) and it was thirty A4 pages long, about what seems like a very Wonderland typed of adventure. I had to smile reading it over.
Next I found a whole series of stories that I wrote when I was nine.(This time all by myself!) A trilogy folks! *dances...giggle* I had a surprisingly good time reading them, and have a sudden urge to update them. Each was 33 pages long...I don't know if for a nine year old thats a lot or not but it seems so to me.
I also found a fic that I'd started when I was ten...I'd gotten to about 50 pages until I remember having to give it up because of so much school work. I hate to sound like I'm blowin' my own horn or something but I'm surpised at the sophistication I used at that age. Whether I was simply emulating books I was reading (I've read far beyond my age range all my life.) or whether I just have a flair *Snort-yeah right* I don't really know. I'm just sorry that the computer they were originally on is gone now so I can't correct them on the computer, I've got to start over. But I think I'm going to enjoy the task.
However all this has got me thinking and wanting to ask just a few questions:
1. When did you first start to write...even is it was just some random drabble thing, it counts!
2. What topic have you always seemed to be drawn to. Pure fanfiction or original works? Horror/Comedy....whatever!
3. Am I the only one who pretty much has to listen to music when writing. I find it almost impossible to write with silence surrounding me.
4....ah ok not that many questions *blush* But anything else you wanna mention. Just go ahead. *Smile*
Ew goody, questions!
2. The universe. The unknown. Spirituality. Science. The Future. The girth of humanity and it's fate.
3. It took me a decade to figure out that I could 'trigger' a muse with music, but I do not always require one. When I'm in the zone I may not even notice if my television switched to an infomercial. But I do like to write to music.
4. I have a real love/hate relationship with writing. It's thrilling, it can be cathartic, but it can also take a lot out of you, be addictive, and cause you to think, "Why the hell do I do this? Does this suck?" quite a bit. I've sworn more than once that I'm never doing this again! It's too nerve-wracking! Especially if you tend to be insecure from time to time.
And now for the rest of the post
You started to write much younger than me. I took to drawing. Like you, I've kept everything that I ever created. The file has grown to a small plastic file tub that lives near my comic boxes. When it was smaller, it fit in an accordian file that I could carry with me. I called it, "my lung" for symbolic reasons and to be cryptic I suppose. I NEVER told people about the things I put in the files. To this day nearly no one knows that I do/did it. I was inexplicably secretive about it all, afraid what others would think, afraid that it wasn't perfect yet. I wanted it to be perfect, for my 'voices' to approve before I released it and even then it would mostly be to get it out of myself, but...I wanted to know that it didn't suck even if it wasn't very good. I have more confidence about that now. I suppose lots of people have something bottled up inside them, people with far more talent and study than me. Still, even if I give up on it for long periods of time, nothing made me as happy as working on those internal flourishes and discoveries.
I always like rediscovering things of my youth. I think it's where a lot of magic lies. My current few months on LJ has been a lot of doing that since I switched into less demanding work. It's made me sad for how often I've shoved aside my imagination for 'real life', how much I've had to fight it and I worry about what my existence will be like in the future. In some ways, I'm proud to have made it this far, I used to be nearly autistic I believe. However, somehow, through tenacity, I forced myself bit by bit to get better at focusing, but I feel that my creative streak will never allow my intellectual streak to really flurish. Like, do math & filing forms all day without creating things with my hands.
Your room sounds a lot like mine at this point. I do try to keep it from getting too Mort Riley though. Every once in a while I force myself to use some energy to clean. Whatever can you do to keep your mother from sorting your precious things?!
I always like the feeling of sore muscles. heh, heh, heh. What exactly did they make you do? I don't know Cellblock Tango.
Oh, and I want to get to your photos! I didn't forget only waiting for a moment when I probably need a smile.
RE: Ew goody, questions!
2. I always love how you manage to incorporate these topics into your work. Not to mention how much I enjoy it when you manage to talk about spirituality and science where most see them as totally contrasting things.
3. See, it drives me mad to write without music...or some sort of noise in the background. And once I've found a song that suits what I'm writing at that moment it goes on repeat and on average gets played about 100 times. *Grins* Then I don't listen to the song for a while.
4. Thats a great tought on writing and the emotions it puts you through. Though hearing that you can get insecure *shakes head* I know its a typical emotion to have, but when I read your work and it just blows me away. *grins*
Re: And now for the rest of the post
I don't know why I started to write at such a young age, I've just always been attracted to words. One of my greatest fears is that with my deterorating eyesight that I'm going to get to a point where I can't read. Terrifies me beyond belief. Its on the same level as damaging my hands. *Shudders*
I'd love to be able to draw like you, to be able to convey images like that would be bliss. See when I was really young I loved to show people what I'd written. I used to be a very bright bubbley child who'd happily skip over to someone and start to chat with them. For one of my teachers I used to write a weekly piece of a story. *laugh* And then it went downhill. When you are 10/11 over here you have to do a set of exams in Science, English and Maths. The English exam was all based on creative writing so eveyone thought it was a given that I would get good marks. *Snort* Well the surprise was I got the lowest mark in the year group. My teacher was furious, protested the marking and generally threw up a massive fuss. But it didn't change anything. My parents and teacher sat me down and insisted that the exam board had been marking me on my handwriting (Which admittedly was appaling) and not the content. But in my mind I had convinced myself it was because I wasn't good enough. I remember coming home and destroying everything I'd ever written, crying the whole time. It was about that time I became introverted. Suddenly I was more likely to hide from people, to just sit in my room and do nothing, I think its one of the reasons I try to treat kids of that age like adults, I remember how adult my feelings were at that point in time and how frustrated I was at being treated like a child. I still wrote, but I wouldn't let anyone see it and destroyed it almost instantly. Even though now I've started to show people my work again I still get twitchy about it and I still hate the idea of my parents/friends reading what I've written. When it came to the creative writing at GCSE coursework I had nightmares. And thats my main arguement with the school system, I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who has been scarred like that. I think its so unfair to pressure kids like that. I'm just glad that my father decided to make copies of things for me and hide it until I realised that what happened wasn't my fault.
*Wide eyes* Oops, I am so sorry about going off on one like that. It just...I...Ah..Um. Most likely more than you ever wanted to know about my psyche and how its been affected *laugh* Yeah, I guess I'm still a bit bitter about the whole thing. I'm just thankful for discovering LJ, it's made me a better person. *Smile* Kooky, huh?
To keep my mother out of my room? *Ponders* Maybe get a lock for the door and reinforce it with steel, even then its not certain to keep her out. Yeah, I do get spurts of 'cleanliness', doesn't generally last long though. I survive best in chaos.
*Raises eyebrow* I guess sore muscles do give a certain amout of satisfaction. The Cellblock Tango is a routine from 'Chicago'. Theres one movement where I get my leg behind my head... we also do a high kick so that our leg goes straight up our body and sink into the splits. I've never done the splits before, and dang does it ache. I've got an all day rehersal tomorrow as well...*groan*
Lol, don't worry I don't mind.
no subject
2. Introspection. I guess that comes from all the journalling. Only now it's about getting into the character's head. I love writing crack and humor, but because it's so easy I take it less seriously as "writing". On the opposite end, writing darker is very rewarding because I learn things about myself. But I'm drawn to dark characters, so it fits. I have no plans to write something original, but that would be great.
3. I require silence.
4. Other stuff. I'm so glad you've posted CatCF fics! The second chapter is very strong, very intriguing. Charlie as "lacking" -- oh yes. Anyone would have trouble measuring up to Mr. Wonka's high standards. He needs another Him, and there's no such person. If you want a beta, I'm willing. I'm quick, a flawless speller, and am fluent in English and American.
no subject
2. *Drools* Mmm, dark characters so, so sexy....oh sorry about that. *Laugh* See I find humor the hardest thing to write, there are so many blooming forms of humor that you can never be sure whether it will work or not. I fret horribly whenever I attempt humor.
3. Really! See that totally boggles my mind, but its cool to find someone who is totally on the other end of the spectrum to me *grin*
4. *Blush* You really liked my CatCF work? Wow, thank you. Theres more behind Wonka's anger but yes you've got some of Wonka's attitude there. =D
*Puppy eyes* You'd really beta for me...*glomp* Why thank you ever so much. I really appreciate it. St. Min used to beta for me but I know she's been pretty busy recently and sorta withdrawn a bit from LJ...just thank you!!! :D *Smooch* I really cannot say thank you enough. lol
no subject
no subject
4. Yes, I'm curious to find out what's behind his outburst. I just always enjoy seeing him dissatisfied with Charlie.
Oh, if st minority wants to take the job again now that school's out, I'm cool. But I'm available.
no subject
Donkey & Dragon - I forgot about that!!
No, I actually enjoyed all of that. It was worthy of a post in of itself. I felt what you were typing out and had an urge to reach through an impossible gap of time to fix things. Hmph, just like my dreams trying to help people even if I'm not sure how. That whole thing was awful, I can understand how you felt. I'm impressed that you are starting to turn it around. I really wonder why they did give you such a low mark.
11/12, I am told is a CRITICAL age of creative devolopment, it's the do or die age when the youth begins to fade and the inner critique becomes more developed. Many kids will back away from a creative talent at that age if it is not encouraged to flourish. I really didn't have anything else to do and the compulsions wouldn't stop, so I kept right on doing it. It took an entire huge depression from life in general and frustration at how 'impractical' the skill was (read: not making money) at a time when I was thinking about what the heck I was going to do with myself, concerned that though I'd had fun it didn't really turn into anything. Now...I think the fun is the main point. I may not be able to beat my thing. I may end up the sole care-taker of my aging mother. What can I do? I can be grateful for talents and skills that not only amuse me, but apparently others. I may not make a big splash, but I suppose it is something that is always worth cherishing and developing, even if only slowly.
I'm with you, LJ was a big find for me.
You are always free to share such anticdotes. I know I've poured my guts out many a time.
Woah. THAT dancing sounds quite the challenge. Can't they just have you moonwalk? *winks*
Would that be Dongon's?
*Smile* Its cheesy but I will say 'Its the thought that counts', I appreciate you saying that you'd do it if you could. Though who knows if I hadn't had that moment and changed so much would I be on here today... I don't know, and I'm too tired to get philiosophical.
I agree with you. Its about enjoying your talent, doing it because its makes you happy, and if it happens to give a select few others joy all the better.
*Hugs LJ maintainers* Yay for these guys. I just love LJ because it gives me a chance to see people who have similar interests to me and won't judge me because of my interests. Admittedly I'm too scared to talk to most of them, but knowing they are there helps.
Actually you may be shocked to hear that I simply cannot moonwalk...at all. Twisting myself into a pretzel= piece of cake. Moonwalk= slab of granite. *Shakes head* Crazy stuff.