I really tried to imagine you cursing in your room like that. How funny! My muses are far different. That was interesting to read.
You started to write much younger than me. I took to drawing. Like you, I've kept everything that I ever created. The file has grown to a small plastic file tub that lives near my comic boxes. When it was smaller, it fit in an accordian file that I could carry with me. I called it, "my lung" for symbolic reasons and to be cryptic I suppose. I NEVER told people about the things I put in the files. To this day nearly no one knows that I do/did it. I was inexplicably secretive about it all, afraid what others would think, afraid that it wasn't perfect yet. I wanted it to be perfect, for my 'voices' to approve before I released it and even then it would mostly be to get it out of myself, but...I wanted to know that it didn't suck even if it wasn't very good. I have more confidence about that now. I suppose lots of people have something bottled up inside them, people with far more talent and study than me. Still, even if I give up on it for long periods of time, nothing made me as happy as working on those internal flourishes and discoveries.
I always like rediscovering things of my youth. I think it's where a lot of magic lies. My current few months on LJ has been a lot of doing that since I switched into less demanding work. It's made me sad for how often I've shoved aside my imagination for 'real life', how much I've had to fight it and I worry about what my existence will be like in the future. In some ways, I'm proud to have made it this far, I used to be nearly autistic I believe. However, somehow, through tenacity, I forced myself bit by bit to get better at focusing, but I feel that my creative streak will never allow my intellectual streak to really flurish. Like, do math & filing forms all day without creating things with my hands.
Your room sounds a lot like mine at this point. I do try to keep it from getting too Mort Riley though. Every once in a while I force myself to use some energy to clean. Whatever can you do to keep your mother from sorting your precious things?!
I always like the feeling of sore muscles. heh, heh, heh. What exactly did they make you do? I don't know Cellblock Tango.
Oh, and I want to get to your photos! I didn't forget only waiting for a moment when I probably need a smile.
And now for the rest of the post
You started to write much younger than me. I took to drawing. Like you, I've kept everything that I ever created. The file has grown to a small plastic file tub that lives near my comic boxes. When it was smaller, it fit in an accordian file that I could carry with me. I called it, "my lung" for symbolic reasons and to be cryptic I suppose. I NEVER told people about the things I put in the files. To this day nearly no one knows that I do/did it. I was inexplicably secretive about it all, afraid what others would think, afraid that it wasn't perfect yet. I wanted it to be perfect, for my 'voices' to approve before I released it and even then it would mostly be to get it out of myself, but...I wanted to know that it didn't suck even if it wasn't very good. I have more confidence about that now. I suppose lots of people have something bottled up inside them, people with far more talent and study than me. Still, even if I give up on it for long periods of time, nothing made me as happy as working on those internal flourishes and discoveries.
I always like rediscovering things of my youth. I think it's where a lot of magic lies. My current few months on LJ has been a lot of doing that since I switched into less demanding work. It's made me sad for how often I've shoved aside my imagination for 'real life', how much I've had to fight it and I worry about what my existence will be like in the future. In some ways, I'm proud to have made it this far, I used to be nearly autistic I believe. However, somehow, through tenacity, I forced myself bit by bit to get better at focusing, but I feel that my creative streak will never allow my intellectual streak to really flurish. Like, do math & filing forms all day without creating things with my hands.
Your room sounds a lot like mine at this point. I do try to keep it from getting too Mort Riley though. Every once in a while I force myself to use some energy to clean. Whatever can you do to keep your mother from sorting your precious things?!
I always like the feeling of sore muscles. heh, heh, heh. What exactly did they make you do? I don't know Cellblock Tango.
Oh, and I want to get to your photos! I didn't forget only waiting for a moment when I probably need a smile.