velvetina_belle: (Default)
[personal profile] velvetina_belle

School is over. I am back home. And I am so very glad about this situation. I want to send out a quick apology for all of you who I haven't kept up with and that I have simply been so very absent.

School was awful this term, not so much considering my grades as so far they've been okay, but more for the fact that I just don't feel like it is home much any more. My first two years of Uni I loved Kent and it felt so very right but after having spent a year in America and meeting some of the most amazing people coming back here I feel a little lonely, misunderstood and taken advantage of. I mean, in the house I'm living with at the moment there is a friend who I've known since the start of Uni and has just come back from abroad too but other than that I'm living with people who I didn't really know before hand. My problem initially was that I'm not good at new people. I get tongue tied, I'm hopelessly shy and I struggle to find things to talk about. So when I moved in I did my best to go out of my way to do small favours for my housemates to help them out to prove that I'm not standoffish I'm just shy. But what's ended up happening is that now they just take it for granted that I'm going to do things and manage to make me feel so small that I lock myself in my room and just fall into this pit of self-loathing and I become determind to say something, but then someone knocks on my door and I totally lose my nerve. I don't like living this way and I don't want to whine but now that I'm back home for a month it just feels like such a weight off my shoulders that I'm not going to feel like I'm constantly being judged. On top of this there have been health issues that aren't really important but probably seem bigger because I'm not all that happy, if that makes any sense what so ever.

Still, now that I'm home things don't seem so bad. I'm snuggled up under my duvet with Seto on my foor and looking out at the winter-wonderland outside, which sure screws up my plans for tomorrow but I'm enjoying it while I can, and drinking whiskey coffee and reading a book for pleasure for the first time in weeks. So hello christmas spirit, I think you've finally arrived!
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velvetina_belle

June 2011

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